When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it’s your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won’t latch.It doesn’t matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern “seat covers”(invented by someone’s Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook,if there was one, but there isn’t – so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume “The Hover Stance.” In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!) thigh muscles begin to shake.
You’d love to sit down, but you certainly hadn’t taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold “The Hover Stance”.
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother’s voice saying, “Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!” Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday –the one that’s still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time).That will have to do.You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It’s still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn’t work. The door hits your purse,which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
“Occupied!” you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious,tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it’s too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because you never laid down toilet paper –not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you’re certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear,”You just don’t KNOW what kind of diseases you could get”.
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.
The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up.. You’re soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.
You’re e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket! And then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can’t figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it?) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman’s hand and tell her warmly, “Here, you just might need this”.
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men’s restroom.
Annoyed, he asks, “What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?”
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest? you’ve GOT to be kidding!).It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It’s so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!
Send this to all women that understand what bonding in the bathroom is all about!
A Friend Is Like A Good Bra…
Hard to Find…
Always Lifts You Up.
Never Lets You Down, or Leaves You Hanging,
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!
“It’s amazing to see an author pack this much heat and emotion into such a short story.
“…this is a fun read, with a great ending. A perfect short story for bedtime or the doctor’s office.”
Rope Me In by Cerise Deland. Available today from Ellora’s Cave Publishing.
Knights in Black Leather, Book One
In Bravado, Texas, the men are good and plenty…and lonely.
Not inclined to remain horny bachelors, the three MacRae brothers devise a plan to find one fine woman and get the good lovin’ they deserve. One gander at the new gal in town, charming Cara Ford, and the cowboys decide to do some old-fashioned courting. Then they’ll offer her a thoroughly modern deal—three-for-one. Three of them for luscious, lovely her.
Cara has returned to Bravado to rebuild her life after cutting the cord to her self-centered husband. One man was a pain. Why would she want to tie herself up in knots with three sexy ranchers known for their wildcattin’?
Undeterred, Jed, Harry and Will rope her into their daily lives, sweet-talk her into sharing their torrid nights, and set out to convince her that three hard-lovin’ men in bed with her is better than one.
Four Feathers and 3 Toe Curling for Hard Lovin’ from Francesca — Under the Covers! WOOT!
“I have to admit when this book started off I was thinking to myself “How could I be enjoying this, this is obviously wrong?!?!!”. But it was extremely sexy! Olivia opens the door to a cop who just barges in, puts her against the wall for questioning about a guy that they are looking for and that Olivia, as a nurse, had treated. The questioning is a bit more “intimate” than you would think would be appropriate. ;)
“This story was extremely short but I really enjoyed it. It was hot and I liked the couple together a lot. Well done for under 30 pages!”
Sugar Girl – Naughty Sleepover series – Decadent Publishing
A guy walks into a bar…
And finds the sweet girl he shouldn’t have left behind.
While book smart Candy Dillon went to college and embarked on an engineering career, Jeremiah Lange became a rodeo champion and country music icon. Their differences have kept these childhood friends apart until finally, the twists and turns in their individual paths lead them right back where they belong.
All work and no play has Candy aching for a thrill. Jeremiah is the perfect man to help check a few things off her bucket list. From bungee jumping to making out on a Ferris wheel and an emotional spin beneath bright spotlights, Candy’s having the time of her life.
But in the harsh light of the morning after can she really hold on to a shooting star?
Fatal Submission – Erotic Horror
Coming soon from Ellora’s Cave Publishing
Claire Hanson is a submissive in need of a Dom and finding one in rural Illinois in the 1981 is not easy. What she wants is simple, screw limit lists. Just give her lots of hot, sweaty sex where the man takes charge in bed.
The ache to have her desires sated keeps her on edge and her body humming with arousal that Mason Burke intensifies to a whole new level of torture. But Mason has different priorities that come first.
His loss is Dr. Carl Skinner’s lucky break. And bonus, the rich, drop-dead gorgeous Dom has a private dungeon in his basement.
Getting what you want isn’t always a good thing and the game takes a drastic turn Claire never saw coming. According to the Dungeon Master’s victims, submission has fatal consequences and Claire’s time is running out.
Note: This scary tale contains graphic scenes of erotic torture and violence that may cause the reader to stay up late reading with all the lights on.
Hi all! Sorry, I’m a bad blogger, I know. Haven’t been around much lately due to putting in lots of time with graphic design, setting up website pages and event planning. Yup, event planning, for a major event happening in February. Much bigger than anything I ever imagined being part of. So exciting I’ve been walking on sunshine! Check it out…
The Sassy Seven Authors
cordially invite you to a
And we do mean NAUGHTY!
Come play with us February 22 – 24, 2013 at the Menger Hotel in historic San Antonio Texas for a fun-filled erotic romance weekend unlike any other.
This is NOT your average author/reader weekend. Forget boring panel discussions that put you to sleep or formal conferences that limit the reader’s access to attending authors. The naughty sleepover is all about authors and readers getting together and having fun!
Featured events include:
(subject to change)
Ladies Night Out
Adult Toy Party ~ come see what all the buzz is about
BDSM Demo ~ see how the experts whip it good
More event details coming soon
Registration to begin on or around June 1st
*Note: This is an adult only weekend so please find a babysitter. And because several events will be for ladies only you may want to leave your significant other at home too.
“I found myself believing this story and the characters as though they were real people. The tale of best friends who find they share a deeper love is a popular and realistic fantasy, here made fresh and fun. This story was also hot and wild all the way, with the toys playing a creative role. This is the first time I’ve read something in an erotic scene that was completely new to me…I won’t give it away!
“Nicole Austin’s timing is perfect and the flow of events and dialog leads the reader on an exciting and absorbing romantic journey that pleases the mind and senses. She’s effectively fluent in her writing skill, especially when describing the good vibrations. Whew! Great job, Ms. Austin!
“I look forward to reading more from this dynamic and accomplished author, and highly recommend, Good Vibrations for a choice read.”
Good Vibrations is up for book of the month at Long and Short Reviews. Please stop by to show some love this weekend (Saturday, March 31st through Sunday, April 1st) click here.