When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it’s your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won’t latch.It doesn’t matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern “seat covers”(invented by someone’s Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook,if there was one, but there isn’t – so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume “The Hover Stance.” In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!) thigh muscles begin to shake.
You’d love to sit down, but you certainly hadn’t taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold “The Hover Stance”.
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother’s voice saying, “Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!” Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday –the one that’s still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time).That will have to do.You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It’s still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn’t work. The door hits your purse,which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
“Occupied!” you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious,tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it’s too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because you never laid down toilet paper –not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you’re certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear,”You just don’t KNOW what kind of diseases you could get”.
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.
The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up.. You’re soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.
You’re e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket! And then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can’t figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it?) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman’s hand and tell her warmly, “Here, you just might need this”.
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men’s restroom.
Annoyed, he asks, “What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?”
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest? you’ve GOT to be kidding!).It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It’s so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!
Send this to all women that understand what bonding in the bathroom is all about!
A Friend Is Like A Good Bra…
Hard to Find…
Always Lifts You Up.
Never Lets You Down, or Leaves You Hanging,
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!
Rope Me In by Cerise Deland. Available today from Ellora’s Cave Publishing.
Knights in Black Leather, Book One
In Bravado, Texas, the men are good and plenty…and lonely.
Not inclined to remain horny bachelors, the three MacRae brothers devise a plan to find one fine woman and get the good lovin’ they deserve. One gander at the new gal in town, charming Cara Ford, and the cowboys decide to do some old-fashioned courting. Then they’ll offer her a thoroughly modern deal—three-for-one. Three of them for luscious, lovely her.
Cara has returned to Bravado to rebuild her life after cutting the cord to her self-centered husband. One man was a pain. Why would she want to tie herself up in knots with three sexy ranchers known for their wildcattin’?
Undeterred, Jed, Harry and Will rope her into their daily lives, sweet-talk her into sharing their torrid nights, and set out to convince her that three hard-lovin’ men in bed with her is better than one.
Hi all! Sorry, I’m a bad blogger, I know. Haven’t been around much lately due to putting in lots of time with graphic design, setting up website pages and event planning. Yup, event planning, for a major event happening in February. Much bigger than anything I ever imagined being part of. So exciting I’ve been walking on sunshine! Check it out…
The Sassy Seven Authors
cordially invite you to a
And we do mean NAUGHTY!
Come play with us February 22 – 24, 2013 at the Menger Hotel in historic San Antonio Texas for a fun-filled erotic romance weekend unlike any other.
This is NOT your average author/reader weekend. Forget boring panel discussions that put you to sleep or formal conferences that limit the reader’s access to attending authors. The naughty sleepover is all about authors and readers getting together and having fun!
Featured events include:
(subject to change)
Ladies Night Out
Adult Toy Party ~ come see what all the buzz is about
BDSM Demo ~ see how the experts whip it good
More event details coming soon
Registration to begin on or around June 1st
*Note: This is an adult only weekend so please find a babysitter. And because several events will be for ladies only you may want to leave your significant other at home too.
Hard Lovin’ – The Edge – Valentino’s Delight
Coming in February from Decadent Publishing
After a grueling graveyard shift in the E.R. and tromping through snow, the only things on Olivia Daughtry’s mind are a nice warm fire, a glass of chocolate wine and some quality time with her vibrator. Being interrogated by a tenacious cop wasn’t anywhere on her list of things to do.
There is too much at stake for Officer Hall to follow department policies or go easy on the sexy suspect. But nurse Daughtry is one tough cookie and the harder he pushes the hotter she gets. From handcuffs and an improvised gag to little blue candies, Hall will do whatever it takes to get the correct answer to his very important question.
The limited time introductory price of $0.99 for the Toys-4-Us books ends tomorrow, November 30th. Don’t miss your chance to get all seven books for under $7. And there’s only one month remaining in our contest to win a Kindle Fire. Winning is easy, just answer a question from each book. Find out more about the contest by clicking here.
Click here to read the details of my abduction. You never know, it could happen to you!
Epic announcement coming on Monday, thank goodness. So tired of keeping my lips zipped and biting my tongue. Stay tuned for details coming soon. 😀